'The Duel' (Not the Spielberg one)

I saw a bad film. And by bad I mean bad. Bad bad. Bad.... Bad. BAD! BAD! BAD! [resorts to Ctrl-V] BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! [Realizes holding down said buttons yields faster results. Brace yourself.]BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! [Is it starting to look like Greek yet?]BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! 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That bad. 


Don't see it. Seriously. If someone forces you into one of those Clockwork Orange get-ups, knaw frantically on your nails until they are more jagged than an icy shipwreck, and take them violently across your entire face. The resulting incisions should cause enough blood loss to make you pass out and maybe even die*. This would be better. It would. YES, IT WOULD. If they tie your hands to your side, bite your tongue off. If they include a mouthpiece, attempt to kick yourself to death in the face. If you fail to do this, you will nevertheless dislocate either or both of your legs, causing such intense pain that you will inevitably pass out and maybe even die. If your legs are tied too, there is no hope; submit to finality and stare your doom straight in the face, unblinking. You won't be able to do much else, I'll be honest.


If you find it in the bargain bin, burn it. Not the DVD, the bin; it has been tainted, and must be cleansed. Then burn the shop down on top of it. Twice. Now search for the ashes of the hellspawn. This should be easy enough as they burn with a rose red glow and emanate a deep, satanic chuckle. Cast them into the fiery pit from whence they came. I don't where this is exactly, so just in case you can't find the spot, just lob them into the first volcanically active area you come across.


The above paragraphs may look like exaggeration. They are not. The 'film' is an affront to the very term. The 'filmmakers' wouldn't even know the basics of synching lips to dialogue if the very embodiement took a granite crowbar to their legs. It is a film not fit to wipe your crack to, or even with. It is not even a film. You need no other information: You will NOT see it.




*Obviously, you could try to remove the contraption, but this would lack hyperbole.